21 Confessions of a New Mom

Today we celebrate my son’s first birthday, and with that comes a great amount of reflection about how far we’ve come. He’s still alive, so there’s that. He’s pretty happy and as of the last week, he’s sleeping through the night in the most official sense–all night without waking up.

In my tired and sleep deprived state over the past year, I’ve been more than surprised by what’s crossed my mind. I thought I’d share some of that with you. Here are 21 confessions from the first year of my son’s life and a bonus confession that pretty much tops the list.

21 Confessions of a New Mom
1. I let the nurse hold my son’s hand the first time he got shots so I could comfort him immediately after and he wouldn’t associate me with pain. 
 
2. I’d often think about shoulder tapping for groceries so I wouldn’t have to wake my sleeping infant. 
 
3. I taught my son to thumb wrestle when he was 3 months old. I beat him. Twice. 
 
4. I never realized how stressful a shower could be until I took one to the sound of a screaming child.
 
5. I let him suck on plastic toys. He can have all the juicy BPA goodness he wants.
 
6. I regularly forget what day of the week it is and sometimes I’m off on the month.
 
7. For the first 2 months, my husband and I would put my son in his bassinet with wheels and roll him back and forth over the tile until he fell asleep. This often took over an hour.
 
8. When he outgrew his bassinet, we’d rock him and bounce him for hours to get him to sleep.
 
9. I grounded my 4 month old when he failed to nap. One day he took 20 minute naps every 2 hours, so I took away his books, his toys, his fan, and all the mirrors. 
 
10. I learned my son would rather me not shoot at him at point-blank range with a bubble gun.
 
11. He only took a bottle twice, and each time it was after hours of crying. 
 
12. I probably read enough books and blogs on sleep training to write a dissertation by the time my son was 6 months old. 
 
13. No book or blog ever discussed how to get your infant to sleep while the band practices across the street. 
 
14. We made everyone whisper for the first eight months in our house, so we wouldn’t wake him up. 
 
15. It drives me crazy when my son bends his book covers the wrong way.
 
16. I once paid $35 to replace my son’s favorite teddy bear that was given to him as a gift. 
 
17. I thought a cloth diaper wet bag meant fill it with water and let soiled diapers soak. It doesn’t.
 
18. I didn’t call a single friend on their birthday this year, and only text half of them the day after to let them know I was thinking about them.  
 
19. After he finally falls asleep, my husband and I often stare at photos and watch videos of him.
 
20. Asking for a hug and getting it has never been so awesome. 
 
21. If you wobble when you walk, babble your speech, and have the hiccups, you are a happy one-year old, but Mommy and Daddy will regularly joke about how drunk you are. 
 
These are only the ones that either came to mind or I was willing to admit. Our little man is pretty remarkable. I am really thankful for a job that allows me to work from home so I can see his personality change and his hair grow taller. 
 
Your turn — leave a comment and name one confession from your first year of motherhood that will make the rest of us feel normal. 

Bonus Feature

Here is a list of zombie fueled confessions from a new mom on her son\'s first birthday that will make you feel normal. Be sure to watch the video of the bonus confession, but please don\'t call CPS ;-)

30 thoughts on “21 Confessions of a New Mom”

  1. Bending book covers backwards! Drove me crazy, but not as crazy as chewing all sides of the book. Her teething was very rapid–she was cutting molars at 11 months. I noticed around 10 months that she was chewing on the sides of her crib. She’d stand up, open her mouth and just sink her teeth into the wood. Even though I tried to get her out the crib as soon as she woke up, she managed to chew up and down the sides of the crib for three months. This earned her the temporary nickname of “Chewbacca.”

  2. Oh my word! That is hilarious! I love the way they narrow their eyes and sink their teeth into whatever they can find, although if I’m honest, it’s pretty terrifying.

  3. Before motherhood, I never quite understood the saying, “Did your parents drop you on your head when you were a child?” Who would do that to their child? How does that even happen? Between rolling or bouncing off the bed and failed climbing adventures, I shamefully admit all my children have been “dropped on their head” before reaching their first birthdays.. a lot more than once.

  4. Oh, that’s right! Here’s #22: he definitely fell off the bed and landed on his face at 4 months old, and 5 months old, and 7 months old… Haha! Thanks for being there for me the first time when I called you crying! Too bad our kids will never get into Harvard.

  5. Terrifying. Yes. This happened when my husband’s family came over and one of his nephews (8 years old), offered his iPad to my daughter (she was about 10 months at the time). I turned around just in time to see her lowering her teeth onto the edge of the iPad–I got to her just as she was about to take a chomp. It was a great save.

  6. Haha, yup, mine crawled out of the crib *after* we had discussed we should lower the mattress but didn’t, whoops!!! Hmmm…my confession would be that I developed a near-perfect imitation of Elmo’s voice so that I could sing to him whenever I forgot the iPad full of Elmo songs!

  7. Oh, love, where do I start?? I can second most of what you said, except for the part about watching his hair grow haha! How about, I rationalized that if cereal and yogurt were good enough for breakfast, they were good enough for dinner too… I have left a baby strapped into his car seat in the garage, because he had a sixth sense about when we walked into the house and would wake up the second he breathed indoor air. I have debated with myself if it was more important for me to have some caffeine, or for him not to. I cried when he was a week old and we had to give him a bottle, then secretly cheered when he wouldn’t take it.
    Give me time and I could go on and on…

  8. Real story- a phlebotomist drawing blood while I was pregnant warned me that if I continue to drink caffeine, my child will go through withdrawals when he’s born. Without hesitation, I said well, it’s not like I am going to stop drinking it; won’t he get it through my breast milk? And if I am totally honest, I’ve probably googled, “effects of caffeine in nursing infant” with “1 month old,” “2 month old,” and so on, although it definitely never changed my habits. And I totally feel you on the garage thing. Bam does the same thing!

  9. I laid him on his tummy from time to time when I absolutely couldn’t get him to sleep any other way and I was exhausted. I fell asleep praying he would be ok. He is almost 20 so I guess he made it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Love this. So true ๐Ÿ™‚ I ate enough cake to feed a small village – especially in those first few months of breastfeeding.

  11. This is a beautiful post. I loved staring my daughter while she slept. I was always awestruck by her. I couldn’t believe I made something so beautiful.

  12. This is a great post and oh so very true. Those first time mommy moments can be so crazy, loving and many more emotions in between. You find yourself doing all kinds of crazy things that you thought you would never have to do.

  13. I’m a grandmother now but I can still remember and relate. I’m glad he’s sleeping through now – that must have been so hard. (I was lucky with good sleepers but two of my grand daughters never fail to wake at least once during sleepovers). I love no 10 and remember doing that. Fun post. ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. The lost sleep over the past year was definitely surprising. No one can prepare you for that. I’d do it again in a heart beat, though. Congrats on your “grand” promotion! I hear that job is a lot of fun ๐Ÿ˜‰

  15. Hahahaha These are awesome! For my little mans first three months we ate fast food at 9pm at night almost every night because a car ride was the only way to settle him down.

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